Who Are You When the Role Is Gone?

Leadership is about the courage to stay true to yourself, even when the spotlight fades. Because, when the title fades, what remains is who you truly are.

How it Started

At a recent leadership conference, a C-suite executive found herself seated next to a lawyer who spoke with the confidence of someone used to being heard. “Where are you from?” the lawyer asked the executive beside her, her voice carrying easily across the room.

“I’m from an automobile company,” he replied.

Instantly, the woman launched into stories about how she had helped several automotive companies establish operations and new businesses in Malaysia, punctuating her anecdotes with big-name brands to underscore her experience. It was, in many ways, a typical networking exchange — polite, strategic, and transactional. Yet it began with a simple question: Where are you from?

It is a question we often ask to break the ice. But when used in professional circles, it tends to reveal something deeper. We are not really asking where someone lives, but rather who they represent. The answer is almost always tied to a company, a title, or a role.

In moments like these, it becomes clear how easily our sense of self can become intertwined with the roles we hold. And that raises an interesting question for leaders: What happens when the role is gone?

When Leaders Become Their Titles

For many senior executives, their role becomes synonymous with their identity. Years of success, recognition, and influence can blur the line between who they are and what they do. Psychologists call this role identity fusion, when one’s professional role becomes central to one’s sense of self.

According to research published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior, people with a strong role identity attachment often experience significant distress when transitioning out of leadership positions, even voluntarily (Kreiner et al., 2006). Another study by Ibarra and Petriglieri (2010) in Harvard Business Review found that senior professionals undergoing role changes often describe the process as an “identity loss,” with many struggling to define themselves outside the context of their organisations.

This phenomenon is not surprising. Leadership comes with visibility, prestige, and a sense of purpose. But when the applause quiets, the meetings stop, and the title no longer precedes the name, the silence can be deafening.

As former PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi once reflected, “You arrive at the top, and everyone bows before the chair, not necessarily before you. The day you leave that chair, people stop bowing.”

It is a reminder that our roles are borrowed, temporary chapters in a longer story.

The Subtle Trap of External Validation

In corporate life, external validation often masquerades as success. Leaders are praised for performance metrics, quarterly results, and strategic wins. The rhythm of recognition — awards, promotions, invitations to speak — becomes a feedback loop that reinforces a narrow identity: I am valuable because of what I achieve.

However, when leaders derive their sense of self solely from professional success, they become vulnerable to what psychologists term contingent self-worth, a fragile form of esteem dependent on achievement (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001).

Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) shows that individuals who base their self-worth primarily on career success report higher levels of anxiety and burnout (APA, 2018). When the role changes or ends, the emotional void can be profound.

A McKinsey study on leadership transitions found that nearly 45 percent of executives described their post-exit phase as identity disorientation, struggling to find meaning outside the organisation (McKinsey, 2022).

Rediscovering the Self Beneath the Role

Leadership extends beyond a title. It is rooted in character, values, and purpose, qualities that remain even when the business card changes.

Simon Sinek once said, “People do not buy what you do; they buy why you do it.” The same principle applies inwardly. Your why, your deeper motivation, is what defines you, not your what.

Consider a C-suite leader who recently transitioned out of a high-profile role after two decades in the same company. Initially, he struggled with the quietness of life beyond the boardroom. The endless stream of calls, decisions, and travel had once been a source of validation and energy. But over time, he began to explore what truly gave him meaning.

His influence did not diminish; it evolved. He realised that his leadership was never tied to a title; it was a reflection of who he was at his core.

Anchoring Identity in Purpose

Purpose acts as the anchor when professional identity shifts. A study by Deloitte (2023) found that 70 percent of executives who reported having a clear sense of personal purpose also experienced smoother transitions into new roles or life phases. They were less likely to equate their self-worth with their corporate status and more likely to describe themselves as fulfilled, adaptable, and grounded.

Building that anchor requires reflection on questions such as:

• What values guide my decisions, regardless of role or context?

• What kind of impact do I want to leave behind — in business and in people’s lives?

• How do I show up when no one is watching?

As Brené Brown wisely puts it, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do.”

When leaders take time to own their stories beyond the corporate narrative, they begin to operate from authenticity rather than position.

Leading Beyond the Role

The leaders who leave the strongest legacies are those who transcend their titles. They build cultures, nurture people, and inspire trust that endures long after they move on. Their identity is not confined to a job description; it is expressed through how they lead, listen, and lift others.

It is no coincidence that some of the most admired leaders, like Satya Nadella at Microsoft after leaving office, are known not just for what they did, but for how they led. Their compassion, humility, and authenticity remain part of their identity, regardless of their formal role.

As the philosopher Lao Tzu said, “When the best leader’s work is done, the people say, ‘We did it ourselves.’”

A Quiet Reflection

So, the next time someone asks, “Where are you from?” perhaps the answer need not begin with a company name or a title. Maybe it can start with who you are, your passions, your purpose, your humanity.

Because leadership, at its core, is not about the power of position. It is about the courage to stay true to yourself, even when the spotlight fades.

Because when the title fades, what remains is who you truly are.